Again, i saw this and couldnt resist sharing

HOW TO KNOW A KENYAN

 1.  if you suddenly stop on the street and point at  the sky, they will all stop and look.

 2.  if someone is being magged they will not help  him but will stop, make sure they get all the drama  and then go and tell their pals.

 3.  they will refuse to enter an empty matatu and  enter an overloaded one because the overloaded one  wont stop to pick passengers.

 4.  they will suddenly acquire a weng when talking  to a mzungu

 5.  when they go to the States or Brito for 3 months  they come back with a weng but when the go to India  for 5 years they do not come back with an Indian  accent.

 6.  they all know a public figure personally.

 7.  they drive at 30km/hour when it is raining.

 8.  they abandon their cars in the middle of the  road when scratched by another car and wait
 for the  cops to come and view the accident
 scene (a scratch  only!)

 9.  it is manly to have spent a night or two in a  police cell and cool to have a criminal record.

 10. the chicks under dress in cold weather and  overdress in hot weather and the jamaas over dress  in all kinds of weather.

 11. All kenyans have shaken the president's hand

 12. they rush home at 7.00p.m. or 9.00p.m. to watch  news which they follow like a soap opera eg this  sizzling story that ran for a week;

 Monday -Raila; i am an old guard in the game of  politics this young people don't know what they are  saying.

Tuesday - Mungatana; if Raila eats mbuta from lake  victoria let him know i also eat crocodiles from  Tana river.

Wednesday - Raila; when a dog is barking at you, you  tell its master to call it off

Thursday - Mungatana; let Raila know that i am also  a man and i can impregnate a woman with twins.

Friday - Raila;
 Mungatana and i are the best
 of  friends, his father and i knew each other for a long  time

Saturday - Mungatana; Raila is like a father to me  and in fact he is my god-father in politics  Sunday - Mungatana (at a rally with other coast  m.p's); we are calling for the sacking of Raila  Same

Sunday - Raila; it is not Mungatana who sacks  ministers.  that boy was in nappies when i was a  lecturer at the university.  it is only the  president who can sack me..........

 ...........and the drama continues.


 if you have examined yourself and are lacking in all  of these qualities, then you are loosing your Kenyan  touch and you need to pull up your socks.

9 things i hate about everyone

disclaimer. i got this from my brother.
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at your crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid 450sh to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???