chronicles of the she coward

Eminem's song 'not afraid' is ringing through my head. ironically im clearly afraid. im not talking about phobia, or maybe its a new type of phobia discovered recently. anyway, thats besides the point. im petrified of taking chances. yeah, yeah, i know you  are thinking boooring, cliche and a few other choice words i will not use. sure everybody is afraid of taking chances. trying to tep out of my comfort zone, i recently enlisted the services of an astrologer. i mean, there's that human feeling of wanting to know what is in your future. predictably i chickened out at the last step because part of me wants to let my life play out  unchanged and unexpectedly and the other part, the larger part, was like, hmm, what if i dont like what i see? what if my future is right and i get comfortable waiting for things to play out and then they dont. well long story short, i couldnt go ahead with it but the one thing i remember from all the hogwash she was telling me is 'you have great untaped potential.'  you are thinking so? well, she was right in a way. there are so many things i know i can do but i dont do because i am afraid im not good enough. i have been offered chances at love but no, im very afraid. what if i mess it up? why me? why now? the questions are endless. everytime i say, 'this time im taking chances' only to pull back at the last minute and plead lame excuses. i'd like to say that this time i will take the chance but i know myself tooooo well to buy into that. im not saying i wont change and try to grab opportunities as the come my way, im just saying let me do it my way. i will get there.