Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Again, i saw this and couldnt resist sharing

HOW TO KNOW A KENYAN

 1.  if you suddenly stop on the street and point at  the sky, they will all stop and look.

 2.  if someone is being magged they will not help  him but will stop, make sure they get all the drama  and then go and tell their pals.

 3.  they will refuse to enter an empty matatu and  enter an overloaded one because the overloaded one  wont stop to pick passengers.

 4.  they will suddenly acquire a weng when talking  to a mzungu

 5.  when they go to the States or Brito for 3 months  they come back with a weng but when the go to India  for 5 years they do not come back with an Indian  accent.

 6.  they all know a public figure personally.

 7.  they drive at 30km/hour when it is raining.

 8.  they abandon their cars in the middle of the  road when scratched by another car and wait
 for the  cops to come and view the accident
 scene (a scratch  only!)

 9.  it is manly to have spent a night or two in a  police cell and cool to have a criminal record.

 10. the chicks under dress in cold weather and  overdress in hot weather and the jamaas over dress  in all kinds of weather.

 11. All kenyans have shaken the president's hand

 12. they rush home at 7.00p.m. or 9.00p.m. to watch  news which they follow like a soap opera eg this  sizzling story that ran for a week;

 Monday -Raila; i am an old guard in the game of  politics this young people don't know what they are  saying.

Tuesday - Mungatana; if Raila eats mbuta from lake  victoria let him know i also eat crocodiles from  Tana river.

Wednesday - Raila; when a dog is barking at you, you  tell its master to call it off

Thursday - Mungatana; let Raila know that i am also  a man and i can impregnate a woman with twins.

Friday - Raila;
 Mungatana and i are the best
 of  friends, his father and i knew each other for a long  time

Saturday - Mungatana; Raila is like a father to me  and in fact he is my god-father in politics  Sunday - Mungatana (at a rally with other coast  m.p's); we are calling for the sacking of Raila  Same

Sunday - Raila; it is not Mungatana who sacks  ministers.  that boy was in nappies when i was a  lecturer at the university.  it is only the  president who can sack me..........

 ...........and the drama continues.


 if you have examined yourself and are lacking in all  of these qualities, then you are loosing your Kenyan  touch and you need to pull up your socks.

9 things i hate about everyone

disclaimer. i got this from my brother.
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at your crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did you see that?" No Loser, I paid 450sh to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

CONFLICTED

Its not funny how my life is in a turmoil. there are two paths to choose from and im totally absolutely stumped. you know, i love how in romantic movies, its so easy, boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy does something stupid, girl gets mad and tries to flee town or country, im not picky, boy realizes his mistake and runs , always in the nick of time, to stop girl from leaving. but as they always keep saying life is not a movie. what if i want it to be? what if i want to be the one being chased by some greek god look alike? chances are he will be stuck in traffic or worse meet a hotter girl on the way to the airport(i wouldnt do less. bus stations and train stations are too crowded). all in all, in reality, something crappy always happens. that turmoil i talked about is not being chased around or not. nah, im not that dramatic. its simpler than that. my life sucks! one of the paths would make it less suckier and the other path would take me back to my comfort zone. so, if i take the less suckier path, im afraid things might not work for the best. i feel lyk after my life will take a turn for the worse. like if i was the girl in the movie, the plane gets stopped by prince charming and we try for a happily ever after but a few weeks down the line he dies of a car crash after cheating on me with my bestfriend(im being fanciful here but i'd rather he dies than me having to see him ever again). my life would be awesome for a couple of weeks but worse than before after a while. if i took the path leading back to my comfort i'd still be same old me with same old friends and same old life. but this gets boring and nothing ever happens and i might even end up an old bitter woman with 46 cats.case in point, girl is in plane waiting for take off eagerly hoping boy is coming after her, boy is probably making out with new girl or caught in traffic or just doesnt care for the drama anymore. so plane takes off and girl goes to foreign land where she pines for boy and what could have been and never lets anyone else into her heart again.(again im being fanciful). many words later, im just trying to say either option is a risk and im still not sure which risk is worth taking. and this is the last time im whining about the sorry state of my affairs.

chronicles of the she coward

Eminem's song 'not afraid' is ringing through my head. ironically im clearly afraid. im not talking about phobia, or maybe its a new type of phobia discovered recently. anyway, thats besides the point. im petrified of taking chances. yeah, yeah, i know you  are thinking boooring, cliche and a few other choice words i will not use. sure everybody is afraid of taking chances. trying to tep out of my comfort zone, i recently enlisted the services of an astrologer. i mean, there's that human feeling of wanting to know what is in your future. predictably i chickened out at the last step because part of me wants to let my life play out  unchanged and unexpectedly and the other part, the larger part, was like, hmm, what if i dont like what i see? what if my future is right and i get comfortable waiting for things to play out and then they dont. well long story short, i couldnt go ahead with it but the one thing i remember from all the hogwash she was telling me is 'you have great untaped potential.'  you are thinking so? well, she was right in a way. there are so many things i know i can do but i dont do because i am afraid im not good enough. i have been offered chances at love but no, im very afraid. what if i mess it up? why me? why now? the questions are endless. everytime i say, 'this time im taking chances' only to pull back at the last minute and plead lame excuses. i'd like to say that this time i will take the chance but i know myself tooooo well to buy into that. im not saying i wont change and try to grab opportunities as the come my way, im just saying let me do it my way. i will get there.